Wednesday, April 22, 2009

..it's ok people, i got this...

in celebration of the end of everyone's freshman year of college (or sophomore, junior, or senior year..whatever the case may be), i have decided to outline how best to FAIL a full year of college..
(for those ambitious people that want to PASS a full year of college, my advice would be to stop reading..now..)
Step 1: start out the year well, doing everything that you've been taught to in school as far as study habits, prioritizing, etc..
Step 2: mid-semester, contract an infectious disease like mononucleosis (or if you're going to be all technical, the Epstein-Barr virus, human herpesvirus 4, etc.) from a person you kissed six months before..
Step 3: sleep non-stop for basically three weeks out of the semester, going to class a grand total of 0 times..
Step 4: withdraw from 3 of your 5 classes, with a signed doctor's note of course..
Step 5:attempt to catch up on said three weeks of class work in less than a week, spending about 50 hours locked in your 9'x9' room..
Step 6:spend approximately the same amount of time studying for exams
Step 7: with the aid of 4 different alarm clocks placed strategically around the room so you are forced to get out of bed, wake up at 6 am for your first final, walk through a blizzard to get there, upon arrival looking quite similar to a lost hobo
Step 8: proceed to fail [insert course name] test..
Step 9:repeat previous step 4 times
Step 10: complete the semester more than a little bewildered about the whole college experience
Step 11: start the second semester the same as the first, only already having mononucleosis
Step 12: complete second semester with steps 3-9

so there you have it...amy's simple steps to NOT passing your first year of college..i hope this has been..er..educational..

5 comments:

  1. hahaha! nice work amy. i'll be sure to...not follow this. thanks for the advice!

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  2. haha this was great. I'm pretty sure I followed these steps...except for the mono part...yay for bad grades!

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  3. jamie, anytime girl..i figured enough people had made lists on how to pass college..i'm just helping out ;)

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  4. - i successfully failed my 2nd semester of college using similar steps. mono found me a little late though. i was officially diagnosed with that on tuesday- BUMMER.

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  5. i feel your pain..ugh..my sympathies..definitely ibuprofen and a heating pad became my best friends..

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